Monday, 17 August 2015

It won't be cockroaches left over post nuclear will be women

It's the classic statement.... when a nuclear war comes.... (a man presses that final button and we all know it)

.....well all that survives eventually is cockroaches says accepted legend.

Not true.

Survivors don't need a hard shell. They don't need to be uncrushable (?)

What they need is to have survived before. Many times.

Women do that.

We survive stuff and when people ask us what we have survived we minimise. "Ah... y'know.... the usual."

A cockroach might survive a boot. Ah naive cockroach. Try a boot you have loved placed on the back of your neck.  Fucking get off my planet of pain. Until the boot you love has been on your shell and depressed then you know fuck all.

We tell other women.... "I was raped." "I was abused". "I was beaten." "I was groomed." "I was screwed over by the system designed to protect me"

Other women often incline a head. They do care. They really care. But it's hard to stop the disclosure of "I know. Me too."

Because you won't get far before you encounter another survivor and surviving and talking about it becomes sort of dull and dulled because of this. We almost don't listen to each other. We say "solidarity" and we join groups and such. Do we feel? Not sure how much any more. I told a woman recently about my rape and she barely flinched. She barely paused for breath. It meant so little. Because she'd been raped. I discuss abuse. Women know. They have stories. As bad as mine. Then more. Then more. Then worse. Somewhere there is always worse. It won't be another country. It won't be that far. It will be a woman you know close who hasn't disclosed yet. One night she will dissolve and you will know. You will feel her pain and you will get lost in yours. She will survive I hope. You will help her I hope. Of course you will. What are we? Cockroaches? No. Women. We are women and fuck me we are mightier than the cockroach.

Let's remember women..... this is a war. We need to feel each other. We need to keep each other alive.

I have...

- been abused
- been raped
- been groomed
- survived.

The last one is the only one that matters.

I'm not a cockroach. I am a woman. Women will survive the fucking war.

Love to all survivors.

JH x