Richard Burton once said of Elizabeth Taylor....
"She was a dark, unyielding largesse. In short, she was too bloody much"
The dilemma for women is to be "enough" but not "too much" then?
Burton said this in an adoring way and no doubt because he loved her. Though what kind of comment is that? She was "too much"?
I am thinking of the way that women are eternally judged. We can definitely be "too happy" and men are keen to suggest by this that we are perhaps too frivolous or maybe even stupid...facile .... we should calm down and wise up. We might be thought mad if we go around smiling too much. Especially on the street. Women who smile on the street are scary to men. Can't have women going about smiling all over the bloody place.
Men like to tell women to "cheer up" or "smile" though. Women need to be happy ENOUGH. Just not TOO happy. Gotcha. We need to smile more. Not on our own though and not without being told or guided into it.
Then we can look at weight. I was very overweight in my marriage. Massive. Ridiculous. It was a real problem for my ex. I really needed to "lose a bit". Recently I lost a "lot" of weight and then I became "too thin". He made sure he told me this. The difference between "massive" me and "wasting away" me was around 5lbs. I'm not sure within that tolerance where I was "just right". I'm not fucking Goldilocks. I also don't have the Big Book of Man Standards. There must have been some point somewhere when I ate a bowl of chips and tipped right over into being a "fatso" and then I forgot to eat a Kit Kat a bit later and suddenly landed smack in the middle "Jesus Love... eat a pie for the love of God!" territory.
My BMI is 19.3 which is fucking healthy and it has gone as high as 21.4 which is fucking healthy. So I have always been fucking healthy. Good to know. So not "too much" then.
We don't have enough sex either. We need some pills to make us sort that out. Addyi has been approved by the Pharma boys and packaged up nice and pink so we can "spread em" a bit more often and not upset Relate either who seemed to welcome the prospect of us all having a bit more sex. Listen up too because all of we women need to have more sex (with men of course...) because if not we may have.....
Oh dear. That sounds terrible. That sounds almost like a medical thing that needs a medical solution and not a woman who knows her own fucking mind and doesn't want to have sex with a man. Those "relationship problems and distress" ... where do they come from then? Does the woman spend time (in her kitchen naturally ...) thinking "Oh dear me... if only I could have a massive orgasm before the ironing I could stop burning my hand whilst distracted by all the sex I'm not having. So distressing. " Or... is it the constant nagging by a man she may not fancy having sex with, to have sex she doesn't really want? Now that can be distressing. It can even be coercive. It can even be rape. "Other people do it far more than us! You may cause me to look elsewhere if you aren't careful. The average is 2.5 times a week. I can't concentrate on my work as I'm sexually frustrated. Men need sex more than women because our ball bags just explode if not!" Personally I would like to gather a weighty number of sexually frustrated, heavily ball-bagged men in a field for a controlled explosion of ball bags. It could be like Bonfire Night. With sperm.
But.... years ago a woman who wanted "too much" sex was problematic. Very. She might need to be locked up. In an attic or something. She was bonkers. Off her head. Her husband's ball bag was perfectly spot on of course.
Anyway. I do have enough sex. For me. I know that because I ask myself if I want the consensual sex which presents itself and then I do or don't consent to it. No pills involved.
Of course we can be "too clever". This starts happening from a very young age. We start strutting our clever all over the place at school and we are geeks. We won't "get laid". (Men do all the gifting of their sex to us. You knew that of course?) We won't have the problem of exploding ball bags because we won't be getting near them. *sad face* Many men ... when they've worked their way through the "thick slags" ...later state a desire for a woman who is "smart and challenges me". Yeah. Don't do that though. They hate it really. They may just crack you in the mouth for it. "Don't get clever with me..." "You think you're so fuckin clever don't you...?"
What is the level of "just right" clever? The level where you don't get to quite a high enough position in the same institution/employment as a man so that you earn the same? That level? Shall we stop there then? Because men will perhaps bully a clever woman back down the ladder she's climbing with a bit of sexual harassment or just sexism as we saw with Ms Proudman this week. Or the lovely Tim Hunt. His ball bag is in a right tangle. He might be able to cure cancer if he wasn't always falling in love and emptying it into the women in his lab. That's not very clever of him is it?
I've a degree and I fancy another one. If I could afford it I'd do nothing but study. I don't think I'd ever get "too clever". For me. I'd be quite proud of every bit of extra clever I gained. I admire all the women with all their smarts and my word there are some bloody clever women out there. Being ignored. Not getting published or promoted. They are "getting laid" though. They are clever enough to decide who with and when too. Nice one clever women.
So I will spend the day knowing that I'm not too fat, or too thin, or too clever, or too daft, or too horny or too frigid, or too happy or too sad.
If Daddy Bear shows up I will tell him.
I am just fucking right.
Women.... go out and be just as much as you feel like.
Love JH x