Thursday, 18 February 2016

Interview With The Vampire.

After yesterday's suggestion that male perpetrators of domestic violence could receive one to one counselling as a cure I have decided to interview my perpetrator. He is still mine because after all this time he has still not stopped. He never will. He will find the tiniest and sneakiest of ways. Unless he has a one to one with an articulated lorry that doesn't like him much.


JH : Good morning Small And Ineffective Penis Attached To A Psychopath.

SAIPATAP : Screw you bitch. 

JH: Shall we begin now the requisite formalities are dispatched?

SAIPATAP : Stop using big words. You don't fool me. You are a stupid bitch and you always will be. 

JH : Ok then SAIPATAP. Can you tell me, in words with as few syllables as possible, why you did originally target me for your "love"?

SAIPATAP : You were there. Everyone admired you. They liked that you were strong and feisty and interesting and loud and beautiful and full of opinions and integrity. 

JH: You liked that then?

SAIPATAP : NO! I fucking hated it! It made me feel small and insecure. Women should know their place just like my father taught my mother. I was going to knock that smug look off your face if it was the last thing I ever did! You needed teaching.

JH: But you were so charming?

SAIPATAP : Well. You were very needy emotionally. I could tell that. You had a shitty upbringing. Every compliment I gave you made you squirm with pleasure that someone would love you. It was obvious you craved love. You were also very kind-hearted and generous. Easy target. 

JH: Did you know all along what you were going to do?

SAIPATAP : Of course I did. I had you marked for over a year. You may not remember but everything you knew about me, I told you. No one corroborated it did they? I made up my own story. I told you for years how clever I was. I told you how important I was. I told you how much I knew and how well-respected I was. I made myself a hero. Didn't I? You fell for it. Such a twat you are. 

JH: How did you feel the first time you hit me?

SAIPATAP: Angry. At you. You made me do it. You deserved it. You wouldn't do what I said. You were trying to tell me what to do. I wasn't having that. Soon stopped you didn't I? Only had to give you a little slap the once to show you who was boss. The other times were just reinforcement of the first time.

JH: You broke my bones. I went to hospital. 

SAIPATAP: You always were the drama queen.

JH: You hit me and strangled me and cut me and punched me many times. Do you not remember? 

SAIPATAP: I did not. You make it up as you go along.

JH: It is recorded with the police and the hospitals.

SAIPATAP: They laughed in your face. It never happened.

JH: There are actual records of this shit. You know that right?

SAIPATAP: The world is set up to frame men. My friends know the truth. 

JH: Is that the truth that you tell them? Moving on past your delusion about the abuse. What about your past relationships?

SAIPATAP: I told you didn't I? How the ex wife was a total whore. How she made my life hell with her nagging. How she got fat and ugly. How she spent all my money. How I taught her a few lessons. How I threw her out? You never thought to ask her did you? Stupid see. You are very very stupid. 

JH: Why did you marry me?

SAIPATAP : To stop you getting away. I always expected you would wake up and leave me at some point. You NEVER DID. You are so bloody optimistic and trusting about people. You always want them to improve and get better and show their true colours. The world is full of bastards like me. 

JH : What are your true colours? 

SAIPATAP : Black as midnight. I hate women. If I hurt women and control them it makes me feel 
better.

JH: What about your new relationship? Are you good to her?

SAIPATAP: She's learning fast. All women are crazy bitches. *sly smile*

JH: Can we get you some help?

SAIPATAP: Can I laugh until I piss myself?

JH: Surely you can change?

SAIPATAP: I have nothing to change. I'm fucking outstanding. I am better than most people in this world. I am cleverer than them! I am cleverer than you bitch! You stayed at it for 15 years hoping to change me. I always told you I couldn't. You are the idiot here. 

JH: Now that I've escaped though surely you don't care?

SAIPATAP: Of course I fuckin care. How dare you leave me? I will never let you win. You are nothing compared to me. I will take everything you have if I can and then I will see you dead.

JH: You can't actually do any of that you know?

SAIPATAP: Watch me!

JH: I'm watching. I have had my eye on your tactics for a long time. What is your next move do you think in the world that operates entirely to facilitate you?

SAIPATAP: I will kill you. I will take our children. I will take your house. I will take your new life.

JH: Would one to one counselling help?

SAIPATAP: Would a one to one shovel round your skull help?

JH: That's a no then?

SAIPATAP left the interview at this point to continue plotting how to most effectively get revenge on me for calling out his abuse.

Counselling for SAIPATAP? Save your money eh?

(All SAIPATAPS featured in this blog are for illustration purposes only. They bear a ridiculously strong resemblance to SAIPATAPS everywhere. NO SAIPATAPS were harmed in the making of this blog but I pray every time I pass an Eddie Stobart)

Peace sisters,

JH x