I rode number 37 of the rides in #Ride4MurderedWomen for Natalie Hemming on Sunday.
I read about her before I set off. The details are horrific. All the details of all the women I ride for are horrific because at the end of their stories a man kills them. A man they knew. A man they knew better than any of us. The thought of what they endured before he did kill them is nearly as bad. For those of us who have our own memories - we know that she was dying a bit faster and harder every day she spent with him anyway.
Natalie Hemming's ex partner beat her to death in their living room. He beat her severely, causing a fractured skull and damage to her arm (consistent with defending herself) and then wrapped her in a blanket. During this one of her two children, her son, came down and peeped through the door because he had been woken up by the frenzied attack. He was afraid of what he saw, he thought he might have been in trouble. Natalie Hemming's ex-partner then dragged her naked body out and took it to a wood. He dragged her through the ground by her ankles and left her face down to be found by whoever came by.
He them returned home and took his children to the zoo the next day as though nothing had happened.
3 weeks later her body was found by a man doing some work on the wood.
It does not really matter "why" he killed her. He killed her because he was an abusive woman-hater and had been for many years. He was controlling and violent and bullying.
Yet, when I read the details there were details which bothered me. The details which are constantly thrown around male circles to justify abuse.
She was embarking on a relationship with another man. A colleague. It had begun as "flirtation" and "developed into something more" so she was planning to leave her violent, controlling, manipulative partner with whom she had endured a controlling and coercive relationship/hell on Earth. In her view they had already split up. In his head - she was his possession.
I realised yesterday, whilst believing absolutely none of it, that some men hearing this would secretly say..... "Ah. She was unfaithful. I can see where he was coming from." Or worse, the men who say, "If my wife cheated on me I'd kill her and then I'd kill him" or "He has every right to smack her about, she's a slag."
I could hear some women absorbing those time-established judgement from within themselves thinking..... "oh but... she was seeing another man behind his back. That's not really allowed. It was bound to make him angry."
Over the years many women have sought refuge from an abuser by entering a friendship or relationship with another man. At the time they have been utterly destroyed. In all kinds of ways. They are not used to seeking women to help them. They do not know about feminism or refuges or escape plans. They feel intrinsically that the way to escape one violent bully is to seek another man who may be able to protect them from him. Women who are used to relying on a man who makes them totally reliant only see the escape route in yet another man.
It makes sense no? This man is hurting me. Who can help me? Where will my escape route be? Ah. A better man. A stronger man. A different man.
When another man shows interest in them it may be the only kindness they have had from anyone in years. A man saying "your hair looks nice" is like a thousand diamonds strewn at your feet after a man who makes it his life's mission to make you feel ugly and worthless.
She will have heard.... "Who on Earth would look at you? The state of you! You've got fat. You're old. You're ugly. You'd never get a man like me again. " She has heard this a lot. Her esteem is ridiculously low. I have seen the loveliest women with personalities like sunshine and eyes like oceans convince themselves they are as unattractive as gravel. They get new clothes. He says they make her look like a tart. She cuts her hair... he likes it short. They grow their hair. He thinks they're letting themselves go and trying to act "like mutton dressed as lamb". They wear perfume to make themselves feel prettier. He says the smell turns his stomach. They cook nice meals straight out of the cookbook. He says it makes him sick. What a waste of his money. They try to share details of their lives. He says they bore him and he's tired because he doesn't have the easy life they do.
In their heads they fantasise escape routes. One where he dies. They live a better life. They win the lottery. They leave him and live a better life. Or they meet someone who offers to save them and take them away from all this.
They are terrified. A man can get them killed. They know the rules. And yet.... a word of kindness and a smile can break their pain for a day. A gesture of care can lift their eyes. A simple offer of basic help or a sharing of emotion can lead them onto a fantasy world where they are free. A text returned can be the rope that hangs them or leads to freedom. Women faced with unbearable choices make unbearable choices. The man they turn their face to for the sun may also be an abuser sniffing out their vulnerability. Or he may be a good man. He may genuinely think he can help. He may unwittingly place her in danger.
She will cling to him. What trapped prisoner would not want the man with the key to their prison to befriend them? We women have grown up with fairy tales. We do not always realise that other women have the key too. That we have the key in ourselves. We are too weakened and beaten and lost.
If Natalie Hemming clung to a man... and I don't know if he was a good man... or if he was a man who would not have saved her.... I don't care the judgement about "adultery". You cannot commit adultery or be unfaithful in a relationship where you are already deceived. Abuse is deceit. It is one man convincing you he loves you whilst he steals your soul. You owe that man nothing. None of us do.
She may also have heard the words that Natalie Hemming did. "If I can't have you no one can." He was right. No one ever did again. Including her children and her friends and her parents. Never judge a woman for her escape route. Her escape route is the thing that she needs to stay with us in this world.
Let's keep women in this world.
JH x
Monday, 22 May 2017
Monday, 15 May 2017
Dear Tommy Robinson - Open Letter
Over the last few days I have been the target of a number of your "supporters". They are very keen to tell me how little I care for women rape complainants. Apparently you have suddenly become the saviour of said rape complainants. I therefore need to address this. Mainly because your concern, and theirs, seems woefully and transparently inauthentic in its intent.
Might I ask what statistics you are aware of regarding rape? Are you aware that the conviction rate for rape generally is so terrifyingly low that women spend years of their lives campaigning to improve it. Some women, like Jill Saward, died trying. The statistic hovers around 7% but with adjustments can be as low as 3%. The HMIC report of November 2014 ( Crime Recording - Making The Victim Count) states that 3.1% of reported crime is deemed "no crime" but for rape that statistic rises to 7.3% and the total for all crimes of sexual violence is 26%. I'll repeat, 26% of crimes where - and it is predominantly male on female crime - the result is that police don't proceed to court. You know this surely? No? Just this one case that you thought was valid? Because this kind of injustice happens to a lot of women. Roughly 76,000 of them per year achieve no justice at all.
Whilst I have massive sympathy for Chelsey - and should she seek feminist support it will be here in bucket loads and more - then it is important to see this as a systemic failure of women as a sex class.
In fact it can be seen as a male crime of violence which is routinely overlooked. Of course if you factor in the statistic that only 16,000 rapes out of 78,000 are actually reported to police and that only 1500 of them approximately proceed to conviction then .... you can sort of see why feminists get angry.
We even name the problem. We name it men. That includes men of all races, religions, immigration status and umm.... political motivation. There will be men among your own ranks who have raped women I don't doubt. There will be men among your own ranks who are keen to make it "othered" as a crime - (See Jock Young - The Vertigo of Late Modernity - 2007 ....it would be invaluable to you on the concept of "othering"). However... it is dangerous to women and girls to do this. Yes, grooming gangs are a problem. Yes, there have been horrific institutional failures at every level from police to government and the judiciary, and yes... we must hold them to account. We cannot do this proceeding on the basis that only immigrant men or muslim men are to blame or that only white women are victim/survivors. This is narrow, naive and foolish. Or racist. Shall we stick to narrow, naive and foolish? Because as soon as you point a torch on a very small percentage of those 78,000 rapist men, as you are doing, then that allows a massive amount of men (including those white British men in gangs, or as individuals, who groom) to slink off into the shadows quietly and continue their evil.
In the interest of sharing expertise which I don't think you currently have I will link the HMIC research document here.
https://www.justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/hmic/wp-content/uploads/crime-recording-making-the-victim-count.pdf
That was my way, not too subtly of saying that you are a little under-informed and have wandered into an arena with a grudge against a specific section of the community and actually you don't have the correct weapons or the correct target.
Systemic injustice for women subject to sexual violence is not new. Resistance to it is not new. Local government collusion and police corruption in this area is not new. Neither is the opposition to it. Infact.... nothing you are doing is new. The only supposedly novel angle is "muslim grooming gangs" and this is not new either. Andrew Norfolk highlighted the atrocities many of us knew were occurring in Rotherham years ago. This led to a major government inquiry in the form of the Alexis Jay report. This led to a greater awareness among the public and following investigations and revelations. I was alerting anyone who would listen to me about the dangers of the negligence of former Police Commissioner Shaun Wright many years ago. As were many other feminists. Feminist organisations have picked up the pieces of those atrocious crimes. For years. They are still doing so.
Marching through streets shouting about muslim men does not put women back together after the trauma of rape. You will find that it is feminist women who do that. You will find that it is women who fight for funding. It is women who give their time voluntarily to helplines which are often the first point of contact when a woman has been raped. You will find that it is a feminist organisation that is campaigning to educate juries on rape mythology to ensure better justice for women.
Rape Crisis funding has been, and continues to be, slashed under government austerity measures. More specialist sexual violence trauma units are desperately needed in hospitals. Juries are woefully under-informed/misinformed by judges. The entire law around past sexual history and Section 41 of the Youth and Criminal Justice Act needs reform so that no such devastatingly painful and questionable testimony is allowed to deliver such a terrible lack of justice as that for the complainant in R v Evans occurs again. Women need fair access to justice from first point of entry into the criminal justice system which begins with the police. You might be surprised to know that feminists push for this all the time. Rape Crisis England and Wales. EVAW, and many, many, many other women are keen to see improvements. Funnily enough, despite the recent incoming Twitter attacks I have seen relatively little declaration amongst your political affiliates that they will fight for justice for all raped women?
And yet, here we are. Standing accused of inaction by men. I would laugh at the ridiculous lack of awareness - but it seems more sensible to politely point out the staggering arrogance and comic delusion in such attacks.
You will find that, contrary to the accusations your followers level at me, I am more than willing to name those responsible for the failures on muslim grooming gangs in Rotherham. The last time I properly wrote on it was in 2016. Here.
https://jeanhatchet.blogspot.com/2016/02/rotherham-must-come-clean-get-clean-and.html
It was not just the predominantly pakistani heritage males who were to blame. It was also powerful white men and a woman, who have all conveniently evaded any accountability. The Pakistani heritage community in Rotherham are mostly just as angry about the lack of justice and accountability as anyone else. They are the majority. The male perpetrators are a minority.
I raised £27,000 ( a tiny amount I admit) last year to support rape victims and complainants. I'm still proud of that. It will help to support women of all religious, racial and political backgrounds. Because there is not a designated rape demographic. Other than - predominantly female victim and entirely male perpetrator. Are you aware that Rape Crises England and Wales statistics for 2015/2016 revealed that 27% of service users were from black or ethnic minority backgrounds. This is a rising figure. up from 23% in 2014. I am aware that male on male rape occurs. Are you? Do you know those statistics. Do you know how male violence sweeps through lives? Do you not think that perhaps challenging a culture where men raise other men to see females as sexual objects is problematic? Do you watch porn for example? I would like you to think about where the attitudes to seeing women as disposable humans for sexual gratification comes from? If you watch porn - you collude. Women are raped on camera in that porn. Men take that message into real space and enact it upon women. The sex men watch is violent. Rape is a common scenario. I'll ask again... do you watch rape on screen routinely? Do you think it is "ok because she likes it"?
So, back to Chelsey Wright. I think this poor woman may have been treated appallingly by men. I think those men have subjected her to sexually violent atrocities and I think it does look as though the criminal justice system is failing/has failed her. Unfortunately I have little knowledge of her case as I do not accept Rebel Media as a trustworthy or truth-validated news source. I have been waiting for more credible information.
I am keen to distance myself from you and your band of followers. Most feminists will do that. We see that you are using a young woman, who appears to have been exploited in the most vile of ways, for a politically motivated agenda. What feminists will do if Chelsey approaches us is take care of her. We would offer her signposting to specialist services and we would demand justice if a lack of justice is shown to be the case.
Crucially, male sexual violence against women and girls is not an issue we can confine to one victim or a small group of perpetrators. The problem is much more extensive than that. If you really want to help Chelsey you will hope that she picks up the phone that will link her to women with specialist counselling knowledge. I don't have it by the way. I am not a trained Rape Crisis counsellor. Largely, I'm just a gobshite like you. Just more adequately informed.
You can thank me for the information. Just don't do it in person.
Kind regards,
Jean Hatchet.
Might I ask what statistics you are aware of regarding rape? Are you aware that the conviction rate for rape generally is so terrifyingly low that women spend years of their lives campaigning to improve it. Some women, like Jill Saward, died trying. The statistic hovers around 7% but with adjustments can be as low as 3%. The HMIC report of November 2014 ( Crime Recording - Making The Victim Count) states that 3.1% of reported crime is deemed "no crime" but for rape that statistic rises to 7.3% and the total for all crimes of sexual violence is 26%. I'll repeat, 26% of crimes where - and it is predominantly male on female crime - the result is that police don't proceed to court. You know this surely? No? Just this one case that you thought was valid? Because this kind of injustice happens to a lot of women. Roughly 76,000 of them per year achieve no justice at all.
Whilst I have massive sympathy for Chelsey - and should she seek feminist support it will be here in bucket loads and more - then it is important to see this as a systemic failure of women as a sex class.
In fact it can be seen as a male crime of violence which is routinely overlooked. Of course if you factor in the statistic that only 16,000 rapes out of 78,000 are actually reported to police and that only 1500 of them approximately proceed to conviction then .... you can sort of see why feminists get angry.
We even name the problem. We name it men. That includes men of all races, religions, immigration status and umm.... political motivation. There will be men among your own ranks who have raped women I don't doubt. There will be men among your own ranks who are keen to make it "othered" as a crime - (See Jock Young - The Vertigo of Late Modernity - 2007 ....it would be invaluable to you on the concept of "othering"). However... it is dangerous to women and girls to do this. Yes, grooming gangs are a problem. Yes, there have been horrific institutional failures at every level from police to government and the judiciary, and yes... we must hold them to account. We cannot do this proceeding on the basis that only immigrant men or muslim men are to blame or that only white women are victim/survivors. This is narrow, naive and foolish. Or racist. Shall we stick to narrow, naive and foolish? Because as soon as you point a torch on a very small percentage of those 78,000 rapist men, as you are doing, then that allows a massive amount of men (including those white British men in gangs, or as individuals, who groom) to slink off into the shadows quietly and continue their evil.
In the interest of sharing expertise which I don't think you currently have I will link the HMIC research document here.
https://www.justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/hmic/wp-content/uploads/crime-recording-making-the-victim-count.pdf
That was my way, not too subtly of saying that you are a little under-informed and have wandered into an arena with a grudge against a specific section of the community and actually you don't have the correct weapons or the correct target.
Systemic injustice for women subject to sexual violence is not new. Resistance to it is not new. Local government collusion and police corruption in this area is not new. Neither is the opposition to it. Infact.... nothing you are doing is new. The only supposedly novel angle is "muslim grooming gangs" and this is not new either. Andrew Norfolk highlighted the atrocities many of us knew were occurring in Rotherham years ago. This led to a major government inquiry in the form of the Alexis Jay report. This led to a greater awareness among the public and following investigations and revelations. I was alerting anyone who would listen to me about the dangers of the negligence of former Police Commissioner Shaun Wright many years ago. As were many other feminists. Feminist organisations have picked up the pieces of those atrocious crimes. For years. They are still doing so.
Marching through streets shouting about muslim men does not put women back together after the trauma of rape. You will find that it is feminist women who do that. You will find that it is women who fight for funding. It is women who give their time voluntarily to helplines which are often the first point of contact when a woman has been raped. You will find that it is a feminist organisation that is campaigning to educate juries on rape mythology to ensure better justice for women.
Rape Crisis funding has been, and continues to be, slashed under government austerity measures. More specialist sexual violence trauma units are desperately needed in hospitals. Juries are woefully under-informed/misinformed by judges. The entire law around past sexual history and Section 41 of the Youth and Criminal Justice Act needs reform so that no such devastatingly painful and questionable testimony is allowed to deliver such a terrible lack of justice as that for the complainant in R v Evans occurs again. Women need fair access to justice from first point of entry into the criminal justice system which begins with the police. You might be surprised to know that feminists push for this all the time. Rape Crisis England and Wales. EVAW, and many, many, many other women are keen to see improvements. Funnily enough, despite the recent incoming Twitter attacks I have seen relatively little declaration amongst your political affiliates that they will fight for justice for all raped women?
And yet, here we are. Standing accused of inaction by men. I would laugh at the ridiculous lack of awareness - but it seems more sensible to politely point out the staggering arrogance and comic delusion in such attacks.
You will find that, contrary to the accusations your followers level at me, I am more than willing to name those responsible for the failures on muslim grooming gangs in Rotherham. The last time I properly wrote on it was in 2016. Here.
https://jeanhatchet.blogspot.com/2016/02/rotherham-must-come-clean-get-clean-and.html
It was not just the predominantly pakistani heritage males who were to blame. It was also powerful white men and a woman, who have all conveniently evaded any accountability. The Pakistani heritage community in Rotherham are mostly just as angry about the lack of justice and accountability as anyone else. They are the majority. The male perpetrators are a minority.
I raised £27,000 ( a tiny amount I admit) last year to support rape victims and complainants. I'm still proud of that. It will help to support women of all religious, racial and political backgrounds. Because there is not a designated rape demographic. Other than - predominantly female victim and entirely male perpetrator. Are you aware that Rape Crises England and Wales statistics for 2015/2016 revealed that 27% of service users were from black or ethnic minority backgrounds. This is a rising figure. up from 23% in 2014. I am aware that male on male rape occurs. Are you? Do you know those statistics. Do you know how male violence sweeps through lives? Do you not think that perhaps challenging a culture where men raise other men to see females as sexual objects is problematic? Do you watch porn for example? I would like you to think about where the attitudes to seeing women as disposable humans for sexual gratification comes from? If you watch porn - you collude. Women are raped on camera in that porn. Men take that message into real space and enact it upon women. The sex men watch is violent. Rape is a common scenario. I'll ask again... do you watch rape on screen routinely? Do you think it is "ok because she likes it"?
So, back to Chelsey Wright. I think this poor woman may have been treated appallingly by men. I think those men have subjected her to sexually violent atrocities and I think it does look as though the criminal justice system is failing/has failed her. Unfortunately I have little knowledge of her case as I do not accept Rebel Media as a trustworthy or truth-validated news source. I have been waiting for more credible information.
I am keen to distance myself from you and your band of followers. Most feminists will do that. We see that you are using a young woman, who appears to have been exploited in the most vile of ways, for a politically motivated agenda. What feminists will do if Chelsey approaches us is take care of her. We would offer her signposting to specialist services and we would demand justice if a lack of justice is shown to be the case.
Crucially, male sexual violence against women and girls is not an issue we can confine to one victim or a small group of perpetrators. The problem is much more extensive than that. If you really want to help Chelsey you will hope that she picks up the phone that will link her to women with specialist counselling knowledge. I don't have it by the way. I am not a trained Rape Crisis counsellor. Largely, I'm just a gobshite like you. Just more adequately informed.
You can thank me for the information. Just don't do it in person.
Kind regards,
Jean Hatchet.
Sunday, 18 December 2016
Why doesn't he just leave?
The Leaver.
No. I haven't mistyped "she" and formed the communal rallying cry of people who have zero understanding of domestic violence and the difficulties a woman has in leaving a situation where she is abused.
I talk instead of the fact that an abuser is always "leaving". Except he never really goes.
Let me explain. Early in a relationship a practised abuser uses his physical presence to unsettle and disorientate his prey. At the start of a relationship many partners want to be with each other more and more. The delirious feelings of love are developing. (For the abused - not the abuser) There is physical intimacy which bonds a couple. A woman will find herself falling in love with the man who will go on to abuse her. He will be really good at making her believe he is in love with her too.
There may be gifts. There may be trips. There will be long nights sharing intimate secrets. These are particularly good for him because the more he learns the more he can use. Your father beat you? Logged. You were picked on at school for your weight? Logged. You have always been afraid of being left alone. Logged. You love your best friend but she sometimes makes you feel used? Logged. Every thing you say that he could hurt you with he is storing. This is a valuable time for the abuser with a longer game in mind. He can't get the joy of power at this stage but he is setting the charge for later explosions and that is quite thrilling to him. He also gets to tell you everything he wants you to believe about him. Little might be true.
If for any reason he sniffs insecurity - that is the golden gift for him. Has a man previously left you low on trust? Has a previous man left you needy? Have you been sold the idea that you must be with a man for life? The myth of "the one" bitten you hard? He's got that ready to go against you.
Weeks will pass. Perhaps months if he is very skilful and can hold his abuse back a little longer. You might feel totally secure. Even occasionally superior to him. He isn't as attractive as you. He isn't as socially adept. You know he's actually bloody lucky to have you and he may even tell you this. You may even feel that you could walk away at any point.
Then he leaves. Out of the blue a tiny argument over nothing blows up and he walks out. No warning. No discussion. He's just gone. "I've had enough of this. See ya."
You are stunned. You weren't expecting this. What did you do?
And that is your first taste of his leaving. He knows how you are feeling. He knows that you struggle with rejection. You have probably told him! You now have to tell your friends and that is embarrassing because you've been telling them how perfect he is. You are miserable. You cry. You wonder where all the beautiful future you planned has gone? Did he really feel so little for you. Down you spiral. Your friends try to convince you that he's a wrong un. You won't listen. They are your friends. They just don't know how you felt. They are bound to take your side. You have a drink with your friends and then you get on the phone. He doesn't answer. He flips it to answer phone.
You will text him expecting it is an easy misunderstanding. He will ignore you. You will panic that he is with someone else. That he is dead. You will think your phone isn't working properly. So "gone" is he that you are convinced something is really wrong. There is no answer to any of your texts. Or there is an answer which confirms it is over and lists your faults that make it impossible to continue a relationship.
Shall I tell you where he is?
The pub probably. Laughing. Having a good time. Knowing you are in pain and knowing he is coming back. Oh yes. He is coming back. That is the scariest thing. He knows he is coming back as he slams the door. He just needs to come back to a very different you. A weaker you. A you who knows her place.
So a few days later your eyes are black from crying. If you have kids they will have been rocked because you won't have been listening to them much. You will have been distracted and miserable. In real terms you haven't been living.
He's back.
He's sorry. He didn't know what he was doing. Here's a gift. Here's a cuddle. Here's a sheepish him making jokes and making light of your devastation. Here's you. Fixed. The pain has gone away.
A pattern is established. With him you are happy. Without him there is pain.
You will notice he didn't leave for long but he left as though it was real. He made it convincing enough for you to really hurt.
And then he just repeats. He lets you get secure again and then he goes. Each time he comes back he cements things a little more of course. You get deeper into the relationship and more invested and he is just waiting to bring you lower and bring you more under control.
Sometimes they leave for very short periods. Mid-discussion they just grab their keys and slam the door. They come back a few hours later. The thing is ..... you don't know if it is the last time. You don't know if this is actually the real thing. You spend time in a desperate panic. You fast forward through all the difficulties this will cause. You've been there so many times before it triggers the same vertiginous panic even if it is just hours as opposed to days.
Do they have any times they won't leave like this?
No. They will leave when it's your birthday, they will leave when your mum dies, they will leave when you find out you're ill. Sometimes they leave because it is convenient. Like another woman is looking available to them. Or their friend has offered a holiday. Or they need a big night out with the boys and no strings attached while they flirt, or even sleep with, another woman.
Do you need to be living together?
No. He loves leaving you in the middle of the street. In restaurants or bars. At parties where your friends are. At parties where his friends are and you know no one. On holiday. He will leave you anywhere that you can't cope on your own easily. That is lots of fun for him.
They will leave just before Christmas. A woman told me she has just been left in a new home she can't afford, with 2 small children who she thought he loved too, a dog they bought together, debt she'd offered to help with. She is distraught. She didn't expect this to happen. They were getting married. He loves her. Doesn't he love her? She must have done something wrong? It must be her fault she decides. It is never her fault. He knew he would be pulling this act from the first time he saw her probably.
He will come back. He will come back. I wish I could tell her that he won't. That if she waits she will get over it. That if she waits she will see that she had a lucky escape. That if she waits her life is waiting for her.
But she needs the quick fix. She needs it like air. He's made sure of that. I understand totally. I just wish she could change the locks, change her number and change the programme. I wish women could help her.
The text.
"I'm sorry. I'm coming back."
*This man differs from one who fears commitment. That man may eventually be ok for you. It may just take him time. This man is not that man.
No. I haven't mistyped "she" and formed the communal rallying cry of people who have zero understanding of domestic violence and the difficulties a woman has in leaving a situation where she is abused.
I talk instead of the fact that an abuser is always "leaving". Except he never really goes.
Let me explain. Early in a relationship a practised abuser uses his physical presence to unsettle and disorientate his prey. At the start of a relationship many partners want to be with each other more and more. The delirious feelings of love are developing. (For the abused - not the abuser) There is physical intimacy which bonds a couple. A woman will find herself falling in love with the man who will go on to abuse her. He will be really good at making her believe he is in love with her too.
There may be gifts. There may be trips. There will be long nights sharing intimate secrets. These are particularly good for him because the more he learns the more he can use. Your father beat you? Logged. You were picked on at school for your weight? Logged. You have always been afraid of being left alone. Logged. You love your best friend but she sometimes makes you feel used? Logged. Every thing you say that he could hurt you with he is storing. This is a valuable time for the abuser with a longer game in mind. He can't get the joy of power at this stage but he is setting the charge for later explosions and that is quite thrilling to him. He also gets to tell you everything he wants you to believe about him. Little might be true.
If for any reason he sniffs insecurity - that is the golden gift for him. Has a man previously left you low on trust? Has a previous man left you needy? Have you been sold the idea that you must be with a man for life? The myth of "the one" bitten you hard? He's got that ready to go against you.
Weeks will pass. Perhaps months if he is very skilful and can hold his abuse back a little longer. You might feel totally secure. Even occasionally superior to him. He isn't as attractive as you. He isn't as socially adept. You know he's actually bloody lucky to have you and he may even tell you this. You may even feel that you could walk away at any point.
Then he leaves. Out of the blue a tiny argument over nothing blows up and he walks out. No warning. No discussion. He's just gone. "I've had enough of this. See ya."
You are stunned. You weren't expecting this. What did you do?
And that is your first taste of his leaving. He knows how you are feeling. He knows that you struggle with rejection. You have probably told him! You now have to tell your friends and that is embarrassing because you've been telling them how perfect he is. You are miserable. You cry. You wonder where all the beautiful future you planned has gone? Did he really feel so little for you. Down you spiral. Your friends try to convince you that he's a wrong un. You won't listen. They are your friends. They just don't know how you felt. They are bound to take your side. You have a drink with your friends and then you get on the phone. He doesn't answer. He flips it to answer phone.
You will text him expecting it is an easy misunderstanding. He will ignore you. You will panic that he is with someone else. That he is dead. You will think your phone isn't working properly. So "gone" is he that you are convinced something is really wrong. There is no answer to any of your texts. Or there is an answer which confirms it is over and lists your faults that make it impossible to continue a relationship.
Shall I tell you where he is?
The pub probably. Laughing. Having a good time. Knowing you are in pain and knowing he is coming back. Oh yes. He is coming back. That is the scariest thing. He knows he is coming back as he slams the door. He just needs to come back to a very different you. A weaker you. A you who knows her place.
So a few days later your eyes are black from crying. If you have kids they will have been rocked because you won't have been listening to them much. You will have been distracted and miserable. In real terms you haven't been living.
He's back.
He's sorry. He didn't know what he was doing. Here's a gift. Here's a cuddle. Here's a sheepish him making jokes and making light of your devastation. Here's you. Fixed. The pain has gone away.
A pattern is established. With him you are happy. Without him there is pain.
You will notice he didn't leave for long but he left as though it was real. He made it convincing enough for you to really hurt.
And then he just repeats. He lets you get secure again and then he goes. Each time he comes back he cements things a little more of course. You get deeper into the relationship and more invested and he is just waiting to bring you lower and bring you more under control.
Sometimes they leave for very short periods. Mid-discussion they just grab their keys and slam the door. They come back a few hours later. The thing is ..... you don't know if it is the last time. You don't know if this is actually the real thing. You spend time in a desperate panic. You fast forward through all the difficulties this will cause. You've been there so many times before it triggers the same vertiginous panic even if it is just hours as opposed to days.
Do they have any times they won't leave like this?
No. They will leave when it's your birthday, they will leave when your mum dies, they will leave when you find out you're ill. Sometimes they leave because it is convenient. Like another woman is looking available to them. Or their friend has offered a holiday. Or they need a big night out with the boys and no strings attached while they flirt, or even sleep with, another woman.
Do you need to be living together?
No. He loves leaving you in the middle of the street. In restaurants or bars. At parties where your friends are. At parties where his friends are and you know no one. On holiday. He will leave you anywhere that you can't cope on your own easily. That is lots of fun for him.
They will leave just before Christmas. A woman told me she has just been left in a new home she can't afford, with 2 small children who she thought he loved too, a dog they bought together, debt she'd offered to help with. She is distraught. She didn't expect this to happen. They were getting married. He loves her. Doesn't he love her? She must have done something wrong? It must be her fault she decides. It is never her fault. He knew he would be pulling this act from the first time he saw her probably.
He will come back. He will come back. I wish I could tell her that he won't. That if she waits she will get over it. That if she waits she will see that she had a lucky escape. That if she waits her life is waiting for her.
But she needs the quick fix. She needs it like air. He's made sure of that. I understand totally. I just wish she could change the locks, change her number and change the programme. I wish women could help her.
The text.
"I'm sorry. I'm coming back."
*This man differs from one who fears commitment. That man may eventually be ok for you. It may just take him time. This man is not that man.
Monday, 24 October 2016
What would a rapist's past sexual history look like? Would that be pleasant?
The day after the Ched Evans trial verdict
was grim. Women were contacting me in sheer agony. Most had listened to the
graphic details of the case in horror. The callous, indifferent treatment of
Woman X during the night in 2011 and the treatment of her in that courtroom,
where her sexual history was paraded for the world; unbearably painful to hear.
How painful must it have been for that poor woman? Women wept for her. Women
are still crying.
A few women said we should do something.
They wanted me to front it. I said I would. I have taken abuse before and
another round would make little difference. So I took a deep breath and started
the fund. I very deliberately chose to list the target as £50,000 as this was the amount of "reward" offered for evidence by the website of Ched Evans. Surely we could try our best to raise that amount for a decent cause instead?
What happened has been overwhelming. The
messages of support for Woman X are heartbreaking. I have cried many times this
past week listening. Women talk of their own experiences and how this verdict
left them on their knees and feeling hopeless that anyone would ever care about
their experience. Men are quieter in their expression, but they are donating in
support of women they know and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. Every
£5 is a gesture of love, kindness and understanding that this woman and other
women need their solidarity and support. Some of those women donating are going
hungry to do so. It matters more to them than food that women get justice from
our courts. That thought makes me weep. With misery at what has probably
happened to them and joy that they have such compassion for others.
The reporting rate for rapes has doubled
over the last five years whilst convictions have halved. This probably means
more rapes and less rapists in jail. It means that women are disbelieved, in
very large numbers, by juries. Or before that stage, by police who take the
initial report. It means that we have a serious failure to help women at every
step of our justice system.
Few rapes are reported. Of those, only 11%
result in a conviction. The women who report them are still 100% raped. The men
who raped them are still 100% on our streets.
The problem that has now been raised by the
use of past sexual history via the hideous loophole of section 41, means fewer
women than ever will dare to report. The thought of that happening to them is terrifying.
It isn’t a precedent legally. It has been in existence and frugally used since
1999. But, this case has amplified the awareness of it for victims and for
rapists. That will potentially have a disastrous effect.
A woman’s sexual history is irrelevant.
Raped women react in a vast variety of ways. Women who enjoy sex can be raped
just as easily as women who have never had sex. The rapist is the common
denominator here. His past sexual history would probably be a lot more
revealing.
Women are helped by rape crisis after the most horrific invasions of their body and their spirit by men. It can
often be the first point of contact and it can go on long after the incident
and any attempts to seek justice. Rape Crisis England And Wales have agreed to accept half the fund. I
am pleased about that. Women will be helped by this fund in a very practical
way.
Woman X has asked why people are doing
this? She can’t believe there are people who care after what she went through
in court. She is comforted to hear the answer. The answer is simple. Women love
women. We help women. I’m told Woman X is drawing strength from reading the
messages. The police officer involved in liasing with her said the fund has
restored his faith in humanity. This is not just money. This is people behaving
very, very, decently.
Thank you to the men who have helped too.
You are lighting the way for other men. There are lots who remain very dark.
They shout on Twitter. They don’t help anyone.
Men who rape women are subhuman. Women who
help women overcome those rapes are being the very best humans they can be.
JH x
Saturday, 15 October 2016
What Ched Evans Told Women
Of course Ched Evans himself didn't tell women that much. He sometimes doesn't talk to women he has sex with. He doesn't talk to feminists at all.
I really mean what the Ched Evans case told us.
DON'T!
That's the message from this whole sordid mess.
Manifesto For Women According To The Courts, The Football 'Industry', The Main Stream Media, Social Media, The Blokes In The Pub, The Blokes In Some Women's Beds, The Blokes In Some Women's Heads.
DON'T go out after work
DON'T get drunk
DON'T have sex
DON'T enjoy the sex you have
DON'T move around whilst having sex
DON'T get into "positions" whilst having sex
DON'T refuse to suck a man's penis especially if he asks in a funny voice
DON'T wear high heels
DON'T fall over
DON'T expect a famous footballer to pick you up off the floor like a reasonable human would
DON'T order pizza in a takeaway
DON'T drop your pizza
DON'T drop your handbag
DON'T ever have sex with more than one man in your entire life
DON'T text the man you have had sex with or consider them friends who might help you
DON'T have sex with the man you have been dating more than once
DON'T tell anyone if you wake up and don't know where you are
DON'T groan or squeal if you are in a room in a hotel drunk
DON'T go into a hotel room and assume no one else will come in and access it and your vagina
DON'T tell your friends if you think your drink has been spiked
DON'T tell the police anything
DON'T seek help if you wake up covered in bruises and don't know where you are
DON'T ask a man for help in the street he might "get" you
DON'T have sex with footballers. They are from the Planet Football with special rules about sex.
DON'T get raped
DON'T speak out
DON'T stay quiet. Even if you are too drunk to speak. Or unconscious. Or asleep.
DON'T go to court
DON'T go to court again
DON'T seek justice
DON'T carry on living if the courts let you down as they let down women every day
DON'T expect anything has changed since the days our grandmothers were raped
DON'T believe that women matter
DON'T fight the system. It is male and it will break you
Here is my response.
DON'T listen.
Get up from this knockdown. Stay on your feet.
Have sex where you like. Have sex with who you like. Move around. Move your own body. Move it away from men you find repulsive. Drink what you want. Wear what you feel like. Talk to who you want to. Talk loud. Talk soft. Talk often. Say yes. Say no. Say something. Say something else. Shout. Ask for help. Stay quiet for a while. Or forever if it helps. Cry. Laugh. Dream. Fight.
Women are humans. Women have a voice. Women are 52% of the population of this world and women will not let men make rules for them forever. Women will keep fighting to keep other women safe. Women will fight for women who can't fight themselves. Women are loved by other women. That makes us very, VERY special. It makes us terrifying and beautiful.
Love to the sisters who keep other sisters strong
JH x
I really mean what the Ched Evans case told us.
DON'T!
That's the message from this whole sordid mess.
Manifesto For Women According To The Courts, The Football 'Industry', The Main Stream Media, Social Media, The Blokes In The Pub, The Blokes In Some Women's Beds, The Blokes In Some Women's Heads.
DON'T go out after work
DON'T get drunk
DON'T have sex
DON'T enjoy the sex you have
DON'T move around whilst having sex
DON'T get into "positions" whilst having sex
DON'T refuse to suck a man's penis especially if he asks in a funny voice
DON'T wear high heels
DON'T fall over
DON'T expect a famous footballer to pick you up off the floor like a reasonable human would
DON'T order pizza in a takeaway
DON'T drop your pizza
DON'T drop your handbag
DON'T ever have sex with more than one man in your entire life
DON'T text the man you have had sex with or consider them friends who might help you
DON'T have sex with the man you have been dating more than once
DON'T tell anyone if you wake up and don't know where you are
DON'T groan or squeal if you are in a room in a hotel drunk
DON'T go into a hotel room and assume no one else will come in and access it and your vagina
DON'T tell your friends if you think your drink has been spiked
DON'T tell the police anything
DON'T seek help if you wake up covered in bruises and don't know where you are
DON'T ask a man for help in the street he might "get" you
DON'T have sex with footballers. They are from the Planet Football with special rules about sex.
DON'T get raped
DON'T speak out
DON'T stay quiet. Even if you are too drunk to speak. Or unconscious. Or asleep.
DON'T go to court
DON'T go to court again
DON'T seek justice
DON'T carry on living if the courts let you down as they let down women every day
DON'T expect anything has changed since the days our grandmothers were raped
DON'T believe that women matter
DON'T fight the system. It is male and it will break you
Here is my response.
DON'T listen.
Get up from this knockdown. Stay on your feet.
Have sex where you like. Have sex with who you like. Move around. Move your own body. Move it away from men you find repulsive. Drink what you want. Wear what you feel like. Talk to who you want to. Talk loud. Talk soft. Talk often. Say yes. Say no. Say something. Say something else. Shout. Ask for help. Stay quiet for a while. Or forever if it helps. Cry. Laugh. Dream. Fight.
Women are humans. Women have a voice. Women are 52% of the population of this world and women will not let men make rules for them forever. Women will keep fighting to keep other women safe. Women will fight for women who can't fight themselves. Women are loved by other women. That makes us very, VERY special. It makes us terrifying and beautiful.
Love to the sisters who keep other sisters strong
JH x
Wednesday, 24 August 2016
The History Of Hobbling Women.
Along with two of my dearest feminist friends, Camilla Mills and Sue Veneer I visited this exhibition in Bowes Museum last week titled "Shoes - Pleasure and Pain". It is a touring exhibition from the V&A Museum. It will be going around the world subsequently and the message it gives to women and men is damaging and unacceptable.
The curator is Helen Persson. We are surprised by this because we all assumed it would be a man. A man who found the pain of women amusing. A misogynist. As we know ....some women internalise men's misogyny. Helen.... step forward for your cookie.
The presentation of the opening to the museum itself gives it context.... that context is a sex show. This is how men are enticed to view women who are sexually exploited is it not?
Because it looks very much like this and that is not a random choice by the curator....
And that normalises the exploitation of women and the acceptability of shoes as a uniform worn for that exploitation. The entrance is reminiscent of a portico to a venue where women may have been trafficked. The title of the exhibition suggests that there will be some sort of analysis of the painful aspect of all this. The blood red that bathes the exhibition would tend to suggest that there will be a balance. There isn't.
The exhibition celebrates and admires footwear which has inflicted upon women pain, degradation, suffering and control. It celebrates whilst offering virtually no criticism. This should be a history of the horrors that have existed throughout time to disfigure the feet of women. An effort to destabilise them, to sexualise them and to stereotype them. This should be a comment on binding women for male pleasure. This should be a comment on the need to disempower them by literally "wrong-footing" them. It isn't. There is absolutely zero of critical value in the presentation of these oppressive symbols.
The shoes themselves as historical artefacts are not the problem. The imposed narrative is. Let's have a look....
"Strippers" are sexually exploited women and the shoes they wear as uniform are a symbol of that oppression. The V and A... a well-respected museum will surely offer a balanced view of that?
Not a word of criticism from the V&A. The shoes are "naughty" as are the times. But in a sexually provocative way. Words like "fetish" and "pornographic" go unchallenged. The word "naughty" implies exciting deviance. It does not discuss the accompanying oppression and manipulation. The word "eroticise" is used about the heel. This is something a woman must balance on, often painfully, in order to sexually please a man's desire to see her leg displayed at its most aesthetically pleasing. To him.
This is often used to suggest sexual repression. It is frequently presented as an unattractive characteristic in women who should of course make themselves sexually available to men.
Again there is a lack of any challenge to the obvious message of the binding of women. Women are bound in order to tantalise males. The description of the way the shoes mimic corsets is fine with the V&A. Big tick. The fact that corsets disfigured women. Made them faint. Stopped their periods and changed their spines. All totally ok. Doing that to feet? Its just a massive turn on. Look at the words and how positive they are.... "excites" "desire" "promise" "daring" "flashed" "tantalisingly". Not one word about the constraint. The pain. The restriction of women's freedom. Not a word of it. Which brings us on to one of the cruellest types of footwear.....
These images make me sob. The V&A chose to present it thus......
Note the choice of vocabulary that is prominent and the absence of words of cruelty and oppression. Words like "wishes", "aspiration", "desirable" are not balanced with any criticism of this appalling practice. This was sickening to observe and the V&A should be thoroughly ashamed of the neglect of criticism which acknowledges the suffering of Chinese women.
What of the men who design the shoes?
Emma Thomson notoriously and visually criticised Christian Louboutin at the Golden Globe awards by showing the soles of his shoes, which are "humorously" blood red by taking them off, holding them up to the audience and saying "See this? It's my blood." before throwing them over her shoulder. Louboutin is the king of high heels. Here is a shot of some of his shoes. You know the things we wear to keep our feet protected from the elements.
Or is it so that we can be "supremely sexy" while we navigate the "dramatic pitch" (have our arches painfully angled) over a "superfine stiletto heel" (balance our wide heels on a needle) ? The blood red soles are a "joke". An in joke by a man who hates women. There is nothing funny about convincing women to spend hundreds of pounds in order to please men while in extreme pain. Look at this sketch from the exhibition. He obviously enjoys the thought of a pool of a woman's blood beneath his shoes.
The V&A however are comfortable celebrating his continued abuse of women both physically and financially. Likewise the way they present shoes from cinematic history.....
For the V&A to accompany the description of shoes which disable women and force them to crawl with the adjective "erotic" is offensive to women everywhere. The use of "impossibly" is not offered with any trace of irony. It is impossible to wear the shoes so a woman is forced to crawl at which point a man can see her vulnerable. He can see her sole/soul. She is powerless, weak and open to sexual assault. The accompanying pornographic image is freely on display for children at eye-level.
Further on the subject of pornography and shoes, and much of this exhibition focuses on how lovely it is for women to be sexually available and shaped for the pleasure of men right down to their toes, the V&A calls it "naughty". It likes the word "naughty". There is nothing "naughty" or "mischievous" about pornography. It is degrading, dehumanising and is currently ruining the potential sex lives of boys and girls up and down the land. Ask them. The V&A however think it is "chic". Possibly in a trendy, cute way. A woman being repeatedly anally raped on camera isn't cute.
Inspired by the footwear of a "certain clientele". Prostitutues then? That would be women whose bodies are bought by men. Slaves some might say.
Then comes a nice little venture into victim-blaming. "Women eh? You sell em ridiculous and dangerous shoes and they wear em and then their feet hurt and they can't walk properly. Silly women." Might I also take the time to remind the V&A that women who have been conditioned into wearing high heels are also unable to run away from predatory men. Missing a bus is really the least of our worries. We need to fight off misogynist shoe designers first.
The V&A is very proud of having on display the glass slipper from the latest Cinderella film. As a piece of cinema history this is indeed interesting.
but let's look at the accompanying message.
The curator is Helen Persson. We are surprised by this because we all assumed it would be a man. A man who found the pain of women amusing. A misogynist. As we know ....some women internalise men's misogyny. Helen.... step forward for your cookie.
The presentation of the opening to the museum itself gives it context.... that context is a sex show. This is how men are enticed to view women who are sexually exploited is it not?
Because it looks very much like this and that is not a random choice by the curator....
And that normalises the exploitation of women and the acceptability of shoes as a uniform worn for that exploitation. The entrance is reminiscent of a portico to a venue where women may have been trafficked. The title of the exhibition suggests that there will be some sort of analysis of the painful aspect of all this. The blood red that bathes the exhibition would tend to suggest that there will be a balance. There isn't.
The exhibition celebrates and admires footwear which has inflicted upon women pain, degradation, suffering and control. It celebrates whilst offering virtually no criticism. This should be a history of the horrors that have existed throughout time to disfigure the feet of women. An effort to destabilise them, to sexualise them and to stereotype them. This should be a comment on binding women for male pleasure. This should be a comment on the need to disempower them by literally "wrong-footing" them. It isn't. There is absolutely zero of critical value in the presentation of these oppressive symbols.
The shoes themselves as historical artefacts are not the problem. The imposed narrative is. Let's have a look....
"Stripper Heels"....
"Strippers" are sexually exploited women and the shoes they wear as uniform are a symbol of that oppression. The V and A... a well-respected museum will surely offer a balanced view of that?
 |
| It seems that the V&A think that being an exploited woman is something we should emulate. We should mimic a woman who is being paid for by men. It can't be a bad idea. Helen Mirren does it? The term "stripper" itself trivialises the process of exploitation. It makes it "entertainment" and not objectification and degradation. Surely there can be a critique of the historical element of oppressing women via shoes? Something that makes the systematic oppression of women, including that embedded in the clothing they have been forced to wear, obvious. Surely...? "The Naughty Nineties" |
Tight Laced
This is often used to suggest sexual repression. It is frequently presented as an unattractive characteristic in women who should of course make themselves sexually available to men.
Again there is a lack of any challenge to the obvious message of the binding of women. Women are bound in order to tantalise males. The description of the way the shoes mimic corsets is fine with the V&A. Big tick. The fact that corsets disfigured women. Made them faint. Stopped their periods and changed their spines. All totally ok. Doing that to feet? Its just a massive turn on. Look at the words and how positive they are.... "excites" "desire" "promise" "daring" "flashed" "tantalisingly". Not one word about the constraint. The pain. The restriction of women's freedom. Not a word of it. Which brings us on to one of the cruellest types of footwear.....
Fashionable Binding....
One of the cruellest and most barbaric practices to be inflicted on women in history was the binding of the feet of Chinese girls. It was a breathtakingly brutal practice. The feet of young girls were tightly and very painfully bound to stop them growing. This led to disability. They were hobbled. Unable to walk without pain. This was seen as "beauty". By whom? For whom did young girls need to remain young girls in order to be beautiful? For men. This is how a damaged foot would actually look. The bottom of the foot shows toes. Not blisters. The 2 images below i have selected. They were not included in the exhibition. They were conspicuously absent.
Note the choice of vocabulary that is prominent and the absence of words of cruelty and oppression. Words like "wishes", "aspiration", "desirable" are not balanced with any criticism of this appalling practice. This was sickening to observe and the V&A should be thoroughly ashamed of the neglect of criticism which acknowledges the suffering of Chinese women.
What of the men who design the shoes?
Sexy Soles....
Emma Thomson notoriously and visually criticised Christian Louboutin at the Golden Globe awards by showing the soles of his shoes, which are "humorously" blood red by taking them off, holding them up to the audience and saying "See this? It's my blood." before throwing them over her shoulder. Louboutin is the king of high heels. Here is a shot of some of his shoes. You know the things we wear to keep our feet protected from the elements.
Or is it so that we can be "supremely sexy" while we navigate the "dramatic pitch" (have our arches painfully angled) over a "superfine stiletto heel" (balance our wide heels on a needle) ? The blood red soles are a "joke". An in joke by a man who hates women. There is nothing funny about convincing women to spend hundreds of pounds in order to please men while in extreme pain. Look at this sketch from the exhibition. He obviously enjoys the thought of a pool of a woman's blood beneath his shoes.
The V&A however are comfortable celebrating his continued abuse of women both physically and financially. Likewise the way they present shoes from cinematic history.....
For the V&A to accompany the description of shoes which disable women and force them to crawl with the adjective "erotic" is offensive to women everywhere. The use of "impossibly" is not offered with any trace of irony. It is impossible to wear the shoes so a woman is forced to crawl at which point a man can see her vulnerable. He can see her sole/soul. She is powerless, weak and open to sexual assault. The accompanying pornographic image is freely on display for children at eye-level.
Further on the subject of pornography and shoes, and much of this exhibition focuses on how lovely it is for women to be sexually available and shaped for the pleasure of men right down to their toes, the V&A calls it "naughty". It likes the word "naughty". There is nothing "naughty" or "mischievous" about pornography. It is degrading, dehumanising and is currently ruining the potential sex lives of boys and girls up and down the land. Ask them. The V&A however think it is "chic". Possibly in a trendy, cute way. A woman being repeatedly anally raped on camera isn't cute.
Inspired by the footwear of a "certain clientele". Prostitutues then? That would be women whose bodies are bought by men. Slaves some might say.
Dangerous Heels...
Then comes a nice little venture into victim-blaming. "Women eh? You sell em ridiculous and dangerous shoes and they wear em and then their feet hurt and they can't walk properly. Silly women." Might I also take the time to remind the V&A that women who have been conditioned into wearing high heels are also unable to run away from predatory men. Missing a bus is really the least of our worries. We need to fight off misogynist shoe designers first.
Cinderella Shoes....
The V&A is very proud of having on display the glass slipper from the latest Cinderella film. As a piece of cinema history this is indeed interesting.
but let's look at the accompanying message.
So the message is very much that there is "no margin for error" if you want to be the perfect woman and find the "prince" who will free you. You need to be able to wear a shoe which is made of the hardest of materials and is unforgiving and painful. This is the perfection women should aspire to.
This gets worse. This is a museum where young girls were happily wandering and this is the message the V&A were happy with.
There is no criticism of this narrative offered. True love awaits a perfect girl. Shoes can "transform" her from her imperfect self so that she can be married and become the possession of a rich man. Is this really something we want to "teach" our girls? The final line of this is editorial. It is not tongue in cheek or dripping with sarcasm. It is offered as fact!
The Men.....
So what was there available for comment on men's footwear?
Here's some trainers. They are comfy. They come in different colours. Crack on.
The V&A should be ashamed of the curation of this exhibition.
[The Bowes Museum itself is very beautiful and I recommend anyone to visit it. It displayed a fine collection of paintings by Josephine Bowes. Unfortunately the Bowes website describes her as a "talented amateur" despite some extremely skilful and striking landscapes and works of cliffs and the sea which were stunningly moving. She wasn't a man though. Just a woman with a box of felt tips or something. ]
Doffing my cap to a "talented amateur" with a few felt tips. #JosephineBowes
Tuesday, 2 August 2016
The Bloodline.
(Written about a day at the beach when a girl finally came to understand the fight and the love.)
Her first bikini,
Black,
Plain,
Don't look style.
Stood out a mile.
In the sea we smiled
And swam
And chattered the easy layers
Of growing up and apart
We faced together.
Blue green glimmers
Of her future
Lapped at her hair
I held her
aware
I must let her go
She stayed briefly beside
the waves
I sighed
Sat with my sister
Admired
Her beautiful,
Clumsy, quiet, youth.
Soon, splashing to shore
She brought her gold
Back to my spot
The shine to my side
My sparkling jewel girl.
Blood came then.
It was not slow or shy,
It rushed down her legs
Launched by the sea
Free
A river roar.
Women saw.
Stranger women circled
around and beside us,
Tried to hide us.
Offered up towels
As shrouds of kindness
I gently rocked her
Stroked her cheek and hair
Told her of proud red
and why women had said
They care.
We rocked her
mopped her
Staunched the flow
Patched her up
And caught her.
Women are swift
And deftly handle
Other women's distress
Like darning a damaged
Cloth of fine wool
She, held head high,
Firm of heart,
Sure,
It was another part
Of the war
She never saw start.
She is a warrior my girl,
She comes from the brave
Uncowed, unbowed, firm
She will go on to save
Women.
This is what women know
There is a flow
From woman to woman
A gift of shared blood
Of shared battle
Shared flood.
No man came near
Men have fear
Of uniting women
Who link with centuries
Of other women
Bleeding their love
On each other.
We can touch
At times like these
We can put our fingers
On blood not lips
And dip our sleeves
In the work of sisters
From before
It's in our core
To tame our blood.
This, my sisters
Is shared girlhood.
Jean Hatchet
Her first bikini,
Black,
Plain,
Don't look style.
Stood out a mile.
In the sea we smiled
And swam
And chattered the easy layers
Of growing up and apart
We faced together.
Blue green glimmers
Of her future
Lapped at her hair
I held her
aware
I must let her go
She stayed briefly beside
the waves
I sighed
Sat with my sister
Admired
Her beautiful,
Clumsy, quiet, youth.
Soon, splashing to shore
She brought her gold
Back to my spot
The shine to my side
My sparkling jewel girl.
Blood came then.
It was not slow or shy,
It rushed down her legs
Launched by the sea
Free
A river roar.
Women saw.
Stranger women circled
around and beside us,
Tried to hide us.
Offered up towels
As shrouds of kindness
I gently rocked her
Stroked her cheek and hair
Told her of proud red
and why women had said
They care.
We rocked her
mopped her
Staunched the flow
Patched her up
And caught her.
Women are swift
And deftly handle
Other women's distress
Like darning a damaged
Cloth of fine wool
She, held head high,
Firm of heart,
Sure,
It was another part
Of the war
She never saw start.
She is a warrior my girl,
She comes from the brave
Uncowed, unbowed, firm
She will go on to save
Women.
This is what women know
There is a flow
From woman to woman
A gift of shared blood
Of shared battle
Shared flood.
No man came near
Men have fear
Of uniting women
Who link with centuries
Of other women
Bleeding their love
On each other.
We can touch
At times like these
We can put our fingers
On blood not lips
And dip our sleeves
In the work of sisters
From before
It's in our core
To tame our blood.
This, my sisters
Is shared girlhood.
Jean Hatchet
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