We have been told not to discuss loos. Especially women's loos. It is apparently the height of transphobia and fascism and we are immediately aligned with Donald Trump. Or some fanatical religious right wing group who hate everyone. All of this is utter nonsense to stop us speaking about everyday concerns for women if men are allowed into our loos.
Here is a blog where women refuse to do what they have been told. They are discussing women's loos.
The comments below reflect women's concerns about "gender neutral" loos which are a resulting "compromise" to excluding trans women from women's loos. Which we have been told is unkind.
Women are unhappy. Lots of women are unhappy about this and we are being made to feel guilty for talking about it at work, or in public or in restaurants and bars. But actually ....lots of women don't use a rape crisis centre or a refuge where single sex space and our rights to it are more immediately necessary to defend. But we all use loos. This is what I found when I asked women how they feel about men in their loos. Any men. This is not about trans women. It is about women's experiences of men. Of women's girlhoods. Of their need for the safety of a place where they take down their knickers and change their tampons and sanitary towels. Of the places where women need to be alone sometimes. Of the places where women attend to the functional biological needs of their female bodies. Of the places women most fear to be alone if a man walks in.
Some of this may shock you. Some of it might make you laugh. Some of it will make you angry. If you are a woman ....you will nod your head a lot.
So here we are.... women talking about women's loos. And we are NOT ASHAMED....
“I don't believe women are generally comfortable with people who are clearly male- bodied using female facilities. We have single -sex facilities for good reasons”
“I went in to the female toilet at a local college recently
& a young man was in there teasing / irritating / harassing (depending on
your POV) female students. He wasn't a 'risk' as such. He was just an entitled
male enjoying his power. A small but distressing non-incident”
“A transwoman once asked me if he could borrow my lipstick in my
local gay bar toilets. I said no, and he loudly accused me of being
transphobic”
“Regular experience (male cleaners) tend to receive a brief nod
and acknowledgment that they're there.
If other women aren't around or if the "creep" radar
pings then I leave instantly.
I was sexually assaulted in a unisex toilet when I was 13 and
have never felt safe since”
“I never said anything because a) I was afraid they might turn
violent & b) depending on the type I feared they'd be attacked in the men's
which would make me feel guilty. But it wouldn't have been my fault, it would
have been the violent man”
“They never asked any of us did they? They just walked in and
took advantage of us being smaller and conditioned to be "kind". They
seem to feel even more entitled than the average man, funnily enough”
“The George Bar in Dublin used to have an open policy on men in
the toilets. It was all great fun until a woman was brutally raped a few years
ago. They stopped men from entering the women's toilets for a few years, but
have since bowed to pressure, but have staff present now”
“In June this year at the ferry port in Calais in the early
hours. It was totally empty apart from
him and he was between me and the exit and he looked like he was not a
particularly nice fellow. V scared. Went back in stall, locked it and got
husband to come to door and meet me. He heard that and scarpered. Was v scary
experience and if a woman had been there alone I dread to think what might have
happened. Port authorities said they’d keep their eye out, but they were
swamped in security issues so couldn’t give it priority”
“When I was 13 a man walked in off the street into my all girls
school and sat in the toilets. It took
us a while to work out what to do. We
notified a teacher. When the teacher
came he walked very calmly away.”
“I used a mix sex bathroom. 3 men stood right outside my shower
cubicle, i could see their feet under the door gap. They then crowded round me
right on my shoulder- watching me as i brushed my teeth at the sinks.”
“Local counselling service which deals with drug and alcohol
misuse as part of their service has turned their toilets into unisex. The
toilets are upstairs which is very quiet. I had to use them today - I was on my
own in there and a man who was clearly a substance misuse patient was in there
too. I didnt even bother washing my hands - as a DV/A and rape survivor I was
deeply uncomfortable.”
“Man at work had just declared himself to be a woman and
demanded use of the ladies (no other transition...clothing still blue jeans and
grey hoody etc) and a woman voiced that she was not happy sharing the toilet.
She was told by managers to use the toilet downstairs in a different office and
department. Men's feelings always over women's feelings! Obvs no one else
comfortable but legally we have to as far as I understand”
“Working at the (then) Kentish Town Forum in the noughties, I
saw a bloke go in the ladies. Followed him in, asked him to leave. He put his
hand in my face and ordered me out. None of my business and he was 'gay anyway'
he said 'the girls' didn't mind, he said. Not what the faces of the women
standing behind him told me. He continued to face me down till my male manager
heard the commotion and told him to leave. He then obeyed”
“Ladies' toilet (daytime) on an surface level Tube station. Man
with cubicle door unlocked, trousers round ankles. I think tbf he was more
alarmed than I was. Still upsetting”
“Unisex toilets in a petrol station; one toilet only which was
engaged. Man exited and looked slightly
embarrassed to see me. When I went in I realised why... spent 5 minutes
cleaning up after him before I could go to the loo. Revolting.”
“I went into the Ladies at Gatwick Airport and noticed that the
toilet seat was very wet. I then realised it was urine, not water. Not just a
few splashes, but well soaked. Took a lot of loo roll to mop it all up and dry
the seat. Someone could have sat on that! Disgusting”
“The trans woman who's not quite woman enough to understand long lines
at theatre intermission & yelled at us to 'hurry up'.”
“It’s a recent one actually.
My mother who is well in her 70’s
and is a very petite lady told me that on a bus trip to a nearby town,
she popped into Greggs (I think). She
went to the Ladies and was shocked to find them to be gender neutral toilets as
a large burley male was exiting. She was
too scared to go in. She said there is
absolutely no way she would use toilets where males are allowed in. She doesn’t know a lot about the GRA although
I’m peaking both her and my dad as much as possible. She’s not the most
confident person and unlikely to change now, but older ladies need thinking
about too, not just these young “woke” lot who think they’re being so
inclusive!”
“I was sexually abused as a child by an adult male in a locked
toilet & as a teen by an adult male & I was raped twice in a train
toilet. I am traumatised by men in toilets, as happened last year when I
entered the ladies & a man was urinating in a cubicle with the door open”
“Do I try to give other women eye signals to let them know that
a man is in the next cubicle?Do I loiter to let a female know what I know?I
feel angry and sick and unsafe.I am a female,I have no right to fear for my
safety or the safety of other females it seems”
“I froze when I saw that man in the ladies, I walked out
distressed, he came out & I said That's the ladies! he just shrugged. I can
accept anyone into women's toilets, as long as they don't have a penis, because
for most of my life, penis has mostly been a weapon”
“Was in public loos and felt my neck hairs rise. Up beside me(5ft3)
came a big bloke(6ft+). Tbf he slipped in his heels & I said: Rubber
bottoms. He turned, thumbs up: Got it. The point is I shouldn't feel like this
& he needs a unisex/disabled loo cubicle & respectfully use it.”
“walking home from school across the park with my friend there
was this flasher guy outside the public toilets, naked, and trying to get our
attention, kind of waving himself around. Of course after that we changed our
route and felt scared about the whole thing. I really don't want boundaries
removed so that people like him would exploit it and feel able to be inside the
toilets too”
“friend of mine had a man put his hand up her skirt when she was
in the cinema (aged 11 I think?) Again, the toilet is a safe space to flee to,
without any of those worries that women/girls are plagued with about being
polite and not upsetting anyone. The guy could have quite easily followed her
in if the rules were different :( “
“I used to work for an LGBT charity -a male member of staff
starting calling himself by a female name and over the next few months grew his
hair started wearing makeup false nails skirts etc one Saturday I went into the
ladies toilets -I was the only woman in there -he just followed me in there and
went into the next cubicle -I was so shocked & scared I stayed quiet in the
cubicle & just waited until he finally left -I only used the disabled
lockable single toilet after that -one of the reasons I left the organisation
-other staff would talk about "terfs" openly in the office”
“In my experience of clubbing, the women's toilets were the safe
space where women went when the men got grabby, creepily persistent and
threatening. I saw several women hiding from violent boyfriends in them”
I was in the
queue for the ladies in Selfridges in London and person walked in in a tight
white lycra dress, obviously male, hugely tall, square jawed but beautifully
turned out if you know what I mean? Little breathy fluttery voice (like John
Ozimek, but not him), giggly, just not how women behave in the queue for the
loos on their own. Anyway, two Muslim women immediately left, and then I
noticed that his enormous erection was clearly visible through his dress, no
attempt to hide it, just a kind of belligerent smile. One by one all the women
leave (except me, because I'm next and fucking busting, pelvic floor aint what
it was) and he just stands there staring at them as they go. Women coming out of
the cubicles clock him and leave having just shoved their hands under a tap.
Everyone is very aware the whole time of his presence. Like on one of those
nature shows where the herd of deer suddenly realises there's a cheetah nearby
and every one of them goes into flight mode?
London Metal Exchange
dinner. The married client I was with followed me into the ladies, pushed me
into a cubicle, sexually assaulted me and demanded a blow job. I managed to
push past him and escape. When I told colleagues what had happened they said I
was lucky as he was "very attractive".
"happens every bastard day
at university. Literally some fucking 8 foot tall rugby type in leggings and a
tunic saunters in and everyone leaves"
"I'm already vulnerable through disability. I can't run away, or fight any more. I would feel very wary of where I go and when I go. My disability already constrains me. I would feel even more constrained."
"The ladies' loos were
always a safe sanctuary from creepy guys in pubs and clubs. (Also, a huge
proportion of miscarriages occur in public toilets. Many girls have to deal
with their very first period in public toilets.) We need them to stay
female-only!"
"Recently my 12 year old
daughter ashen faced came back from toilet at a restaurant saying 'mum there is
a man in the cubicle standing up with the door open. ' he didn't care. No one
said anything. I DID"
"Was in bookstore women's
restroom with young relatives. TW was
leaning forward taking one leg out of fishnet stocking. Penis was exposed, and tho the top was still
on, I could see augmented breasts
hanging down thru the plunging neck line of blouse"
"as a 16yr old girl went to
toilets in train station. half undressed when realised a man was looking over
and started to climb over. thankfully i was able to pull pants up and run fast.
lucky i had friends near by, and man ran off. a lucky escape for me"
"A transwoman joined my
local sports club and our mixed sporting group. After walking in on a very
upset naked lone woman in the communal showers/changing room - the women just
stopped using the facilities. They also cancelled their annual sports weekend."
"I was followed into the
womens toilet as an 18 year old by a man, he pushed me into a stall. luckily a bouncer had seen him follow me"
Women are being forced to accommodate men in our toilets and changing rooms and we know the risks of that. As you can see here we also know that women's bodies have different needs and that the way men behave in toilets sometimes is not compatible with those bodily needs. We object to being forced to use "gender neutral" loos that erase our single sex space. We object to accommodating males with a penis - however they identify - because we have experienced the violence that comes with male bodies. We object to any change in law that will allow any man who says he is a woman to enter our loos when we know that isn't safe for ourselves or our girls.
We object to being told we cannot object.
This is not ALL about toilets. But it is ALSO about toilets.
